Everything i ever wanted

Happiest

missdrew:

Like everyone else said, enjoy while it last. You will never know what happens tmr. Of course I am afraid, considering the fact that I have put myself in situation like this over and over again. 

If I can travel back in time to fix my problems, I would like to go back to… where it all started.

Dear younger self (20) please stop wanting more and start appreciating what’s in front of you. Don’t be an idiot.

Time to move on

Time to forgive yourself

Time to look forward and keep going

Time to live for yourself

I’m only writing this Bcs I know these days people doesn’t go on tumblr anymore. Let alone mine.
So here it goes, is it selfish of me to always have that one thing I always wanted but I know I’ll never ever get it. I’m getting everything else except that one thing that I’m so completely shattered about. But as time goes by, years for a matter fact, I’m actually okay with it. I dnt have to have everything in life. I just need a few good things and I’ll be happy enough to get by. That something may not ever be mine, at least, we have a strong friendship. I do believe that friends last a lifetime and love doesn’t. They come and they go away fast. I hv been in love with someone once and now, we are nothing but strangers. I did sworn to myself that I’ll never put myself through the same thing. So yes, I always put myself ahead of everything. To be happy, you have gotta know how to be selfish.
I always have troubles finding love because I’m always holding back for this one person. It took me four years to wrap my head around, to understand that our time has passed, I have missed it and I should live with it and move the fuck on. I’m always running back and forth wondering if it ever happen. I know how pathetic I sound. To top it off, I knew my ex wasnt the person I spend my life with Bcs I have someone else in mind. Not that he deserve any apology from me. So yea, I’m glad things did not work out between me and my horrible ex.

I used to talk about it so often with my family and friends. It stopped when I met this friend where he is nice enough to sit with me and talk about my guy problems. He told me that, how sure am I that this guy is ever asking you out again? He is right. He is never gonna ever do it Bcs our time has passed. I shld have known better. I have been in love. I know what a person would do if they are in love. The extend they would go just to pursue something they love. I just needed someone to tell it to my face. It sure felt like a punch but I survived. I needed to hear the truth.

It took me that much to be able find someone else again. I met my boyfriend. He is amazing. I wasn’t holding back. We have problems and yes we aren’t perfect but I’m happy. I’m in a good place where I could sleep and just be in peace. We might not be each other’s future person but right now, we are each other’s person. He don’t have to necessarily want to marry me to be my boyfriend. He just need to be my boyfriend who loves me enough to work it out to whatever that is coming. Also,On my end, I finally come to an understanding that, he won’t be my person “person”. But at least he is still around. For as long as we are together I’m just grateful. Doesn’t have to be a lifetime.
I just need a handful of great friends and family. By the end of the day, as long as I dnt die lonely, I’m okay.

I just really hate going to bed feeling disappointed.